I am quiet these days. I don’t know what to say, what to feel. Conversations go on around me. I just listen. It is all I can do.
I guess maybe I am still a little lost. I no longer know what my purpose is. I am trying to move forward, but it’s hard when I have no idea where forward is.
I am a little lonely. I am a little sad. I am missing someone I don’t know. Can love be lost if it was never found?
Not really sharing this for all to see. Just putting it out here.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it can be lost, but I definitely think it can be missed.
ReplyDeleteI think I know how you're feeling. When I launched the love project it was, in part, because I desperately needed to believe in what love could do. I didn't blog about that part, the fucked up j part, though I'm writing about it more now.
I know it's not a good plan for everyone, but whenever I get that lost, defeated, stuck kind of overwhelm, I shake up my life. That's what I was doing when I went back to school and got my degree, wrote the book, volunteered for the Obama campaign, started Zebra Spounds and did the love project.
I don't even know if it's a good plan for me all the time, but I know that feeling you're having, and I know how terrible it is.
xoxo
I think I knew last year that there was another side of you. We reveal in our writing what we have the strength to do. You are stronger now. What you are writing now is much harder to do.
DeleteI don't know yet what the answer is for me. I was forced to change my life when I was laid off. I also went back to school, but circumstances again forced me to leave before completing my degree. But that was probably for the best as I had no clue what I was doing.
But it is mostly just dealing with loss right now. There is no easy fix for the hole within.
You're right about there being no easy fix. So much of what I'm reading right now is about grief - grief like I've never had to feel before. I haven't lost a parent, certainly not a child. I can imagine the overwhelm, the hole within. Cheryl talks about that in WILD, the hole in her heart after her mother died (and so she hiked 1100 miles).
DeleteBe patient with yourself. I think your path will present itself.